Equivocal Death Read online

  sortment of black-clad artist types — few actual artists could afford 18

  the price of a meal — and Wall Street apparatchiks who liked to 19

  let their hair down at the end of the day. Ormond, he mused, 20

  catered to a bourgeoisie in denial, to wealthy patrons with a yearn-21

  ing to be rich and hip; to live on the edge without giving up the 22

  status and perquisites of wealth.

  23

  It was cold, with temperatures hovering close to zero, but he 24

  barely noticed the chill. A thin crust of ice slicked the sidewalk.

  25

  Carefully picking his way, he moved in for a closer look. His re-26

  flection wavered in the plate-glass expanse. Then, he forced his 27

  gaze back, beyond.

  28

  She was already there, seated at a back corner table. That was 29

  bound to make things more difficult. Still. He’d come prepared.

  30

  The challenge only fueled his excitement. Since making the reser-31

  vation, his emotions had alternated between elation and fear. Now 32

  that the time had come, he found himself trying to prolong it. It 33

  was tempting to extend the moment. To continue to wait and 34 sh

  35 re

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  watch. To watch her grow restless. To watch as she glanced once 2

  again at the gold Cartier watch on her wrist.

  3

  Like a connoisseur, he savored the possibilities.

  4

  But it was time to move on.

  5

  As he stepped through the restaurant’s glass doors, he felt a burst 6

  of warm air. He was greeted by the hum of conversation, the tinkle 7

  of cutlery on plates. Pushing forward through the human throng, 8

  he got within earshot of the pony-tailed maître d’. Translucent 9

  bored face. Vacant gaze. Probably thinking about where he’d like 10

  to be tonight if it weren’t for this frigging job. From where he 11

  stood, he could hear the maître d’ murmuring to a petulant couple 12

  in line. “The very next table, madam. Would you like to have a 13

  drink at the bar?” No she would not like, what she wanted right 14

  now was a table. The caustic tones drifted in his direction until, 15

  having no choice, the woman and her date moved to the crowded 16

  bar. He’d counted on this level of quiet chaos and disarray.

  17

  Now came the delicate part.

  18

  Quickly, he edged past the podium. Perfect. The maître d’ would 19

  never remember him. Hadn’t seemed to notice him at all. Slowly, 20

  deliberately, he made his way toward her table, an animal stalking 21

  its prey. He was seven or eight minutes late. Not enough to prompt 22

  suspicions. But it was definitely time to begin.

  23

  “Why, hello there, Madeleine,” he said.

  24

  w

  25

  “So, try the tempura. Fried vegetables, shrimp, tofu — even you 26

  can’t complain about that. What’s not to like?”

  27

  “Tofu. Yuck.” Kate wrinkled her nose and continued to scan the 28

  menu.

  29

  “Well, what about the soy eggplant Parmesan? It really does taste 30

  like cheese.”

  31

  Kate sighed. Her college roommate had always shown a suspect 32

  yen for healthful food — green salad and hold the dressing — but 33

  lately things were getting out of hand. If she hadn’t been so frazzled ort 34

  at work, Kate would have vetoed this choice, the latest in the reg 35

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  E Q U I V O C A L D E A T H

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  rants that Tara patronized these days. Kate wondered privately 1

  how any of them stayed in business. Tara’s strange affinity for soy 2

  products and bitter greens could not be so widely shared.

  3

  “Okay,” Kate mumbled, trying not to sound sulky. After all, she 4

  hadn’t seen Tara in weeks. She could at least try to be polite. “The 5

  cabbage salad with carrot dressing and the, uh, shrimp tempura.

  6

  No tofu, though.”

  7

  “No tofu?” The waiter raised a pierced eyebrow. Kate could see 8

  that he’d sized her up for what she was: a meat eater who wouldn’t 9

  recognize a vegan dumpling if it bit her.

  10

  “I’ll take her tofu,” Tara volunteered.

  11

  The waiter looked grateful. “And what would you like?” He 12

  turned to Tara, seemingly relieved to be done with Kate.

  13

  “I’ll have the tempeh primavera, and the seaweed salad to start,”

  14

  Tara said.

  15

  “Cool.” He headed toward the tiny open kitchen at the back of 16

  the cramped dining space. It was early, a little after six. Kate and 17

  Tara had the place almost to themselves.

  18

  Settling back in her seat, smoothing her tailored skirt, Kate was 19

  struck by how odd they must look together. She in her fitted suit 20

  and lawyerly horn-rimmed glasses, Tara in full bohemian regalia.

  21

  Tonight, Tara was wearing a long batik skirt with a baggy moth-22

  eaten sweater. Her red curls were lassoed back with a velvet band, 23

  while stray tendrils fell over her forehead and cheeks. Silver ear-24

  rings hung just above her shoulders. It was hard to imagine that she 25

  and Tara had once traded clothing so often they’d sometimes lost 26

  track of an item’s owner. College seemed very long ago.

  27

  “What’s with the Woodstock refugee look?” Kate asked wryly.

  28

  “What’s with the corporate clone look?”

  29

  Kate laughed. “Touché.”

  30

  “If I showed up for an assignment dressed like you, people would 31

  fear for my sanity,” Tara said. An aspiring novelist, Tara had spent 32

  two years in a low-level publishing job before opting for the free-33

  lance life. She wrote for a baffling array of women’s magazines 34 sh

  on subjects ranging from fake eyelashes to sexual politics. Kate of-35 re

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  ten stumbled on Tara’s bylines while waiting to have her nails 2

  done.

  3

  “Seitan.” Kate mused. “I always forget what that is.”

  4

  Tara raised her eyebrows. “You just want me to describe it so you 5

  can tell me how repulsive it sounds. And really, it’s delicious. Not 6

  to mention being packed with protein.”

  7

  “Anything that looks and tastes that disgusting better be packed 8

  with something to justify its existence as a food product.”

  9

  “How do you know how it looks and tastes if you don’t even re-10

  member what it is?”

  11

  “Deductive logic. Based on my extensive observation of your 12

  dietary habits.”

  13


  “Very funny.”

  14

  Kate grinned. The familiar banter was a perfect antidote to the 15

  tensions of the past two days.

  16

  “I’ve missed you, Tara.”

  17

  “Well, it’s been a long time. You left town before Christmas, and 18

  I hadn’t seen you for weeks before that. Not that I’m counting.”

  19

  “It’s not exactly like I have a choice, you know,” Kate said. She 20

  felt a twinge of annoyance. Why did Tara always have to start in on 21

  her schedule? “That’s just how Samson is. It’s the same for everyone.”

  22

  Tara was about to respond when the waiter appeared with their 23

  meals. As he set down the steaming plates, Kate noted with satis-24

  faction that her meal bore a marked resemblance to genuine edible 25

  food. Tara, on the other hand, had her usual brown mess of indeci-26

  pherable lumps and strips.

  27

  “Mine looks good,” Kate said. “I won’t say what yours looks 28

  like.”

  29

  Tara beamed. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  30

  They ate for several minutes in companionable silence. Con-31

  versation from a nearby table filtered past.

  32

  “My sister’s, like, very linear about time?” The speaker’s voice 33

  was softly indignant, her assertions concluding with a slight up-ort 34

  swing. “It’s like, really important to her that you’re on time? She’s reg 35

  like — I’m on time, you should be on time. ”

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  “Wow, I don’t even like watches, to wear them. Like I don’t 1

  even like how they feel on my arm. ”

  2

  “I have to wear one.” A dejected sigh. “I just don’t have a body 3

  clock.”

  4

  Oh, brother, Kate thought. Get me out of here.

  5

  Then Tara was talking again. “Why do you stay at that place?”

  6

  Tara was chewing thoughtfully, watching Kate as she ate.

  7

  “What?” But of course she knew what Tara meant. For all her 8

  laid-back demeanor, Tara was nothing if not persistent.

  9

  “That law firm. Why do you stay there?”

  10

  Kate tried to stay calm. “Look, it’s only been about a year. Any-11

  way, it’s not as bad as it sounds. It structures my time.” Even as she 12

  spoke, it occurred to Kate that this did not sound like an especially 13

  strong defense of a job that consumed more hours per week than 14

  most people spent awake. But it was already too late.

  15

  “It structures your time?” Kate could hear the exasperation in 16

  Tara’s voice. “Kate, I’m worried about you. Slavery structured 17

  people’s time. I don’t see that as a point in its favor.”

  18

  “No quarrel here,” Kate said lightly. She really wasn’t in the 19

  mood for one of Tara’s tirades. “Look,” she temporized, “I’m not go-20

  ing to stay forever.” But the words felt false in her mouth. Almost 21

  without exception, junior associates claimed to have no interest in 22

  partnership. Everyone planned to move on. After all, Samson as-23

  sociates were highly sought after by smaller firms, and only one or 24

  two members of a given class had any hope of making partner. But 25

  didn’t most associates secretly wonder if they could beat the odds?

  26

  The conversation had ground to a halt. Kate hurried to fill the 27

  gap. “Look, I’m sure it won’t always be this bad,” she said, hearing 28

  and hating the defensiveness in her voice. “It’s just that I’m start-29

  ing out.” Not true, of course. But maybe it would placate Tara.

  30

  “Glad to hear it.” Tara’s voice was noncommital. There was a 31

  pause as she took another bite and chewed. “Hey, before I forget, I 32

  want to tell you about this guy I think you should meet. He’s an ar-33

  chitect. Does some sort of work with low-income housing. His 34 sh

  name’s Douglas. Douglas Macauley.”

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  “Nice name,” Kate said, hoping that her obvious lack of interest 2

  would forestall any further discussion. What was it with her friends 3

  today? First, Andrea, now Tara. Didn’t they have better things to 4

  do than try to find her a mate?

  5

  “He’s a friend of Tom’s.” Tara said. Tom was Tara’s long-term 6

  boyfriend, a computer whiz with an artistic bent. “They met a few 7

  months ago when Doug worked on the renovation at Mundo 8

  Novo.”

  9

  Kate briefly wondered, as she had before, about the name Tom 10

  and his partners had chosen for their Internet start-up. Mundo 11

  Novo sounded more like an eighties dance band than a serious 12

  business venture.

  13

  “Have you met him?”

  14

  “Yeah. We had dinner with him a couple of weeks ago. He’s cute 15

  and smart. I really think that you two might hit it off. At least you 16

  would if you gave him a chance.”

  17

  “If he’s so great, why doesn’t he already have a girlfriend?”

  18

  “I didn’t ask.”

  19

  “Well, maybe you should ask.”

  20

  Tara rolled her eyes. “Kate, you’re being —”

  21

  “What? What am I being?”

  22

  Childish. Kate knew the word was childish. But she didn’t care.

  23

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  24

  Silence. Kate returned to her meal. Much better than she’d ex-25

  pected. She dipped a shrimp in tamari sauce and raised it toward 26

  her open mouth.

  27

  “Look, it’s been more than two years since —”

  28

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Kate snapped. “How many times 29

  do I have to say that? It’s my life.” That was the problem with old 30

  friends. They knew you too well.

  31

  Tara was not dissuaded. “So what are you telling me? That 32

  you’re never going to date again? That you’re just going to bury 33

  yourself alive in that exploitive mausoleum you call a law firm?”

  ort 34

  “I like my job.”

  reg 35

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  “Great. I’m glad that you like your job. That doesn’t mean you 1

  can’t also have a life.”

  2

  “I really just don’t want to talk about it. Besides, I hardly even 3

  have time to see you. How would I make time for a boyfriend?”

  4

  “Fine. It’s your decision. Forget I said anything.”

  5

  Kate reached over and touched Tara’s arm. “Look, maybe after 6

  this new case calms down, I’ll hav
e more time. Maybe I’ll feel dif-7

  ferently then.”

  8

  Tara met her eyes. “Maybe. But you’ve been saying that for a 9

  long time.”

  10

  “I know.”

  11

  “Kate, I really think that you should consider talking to someone.”

  12

  “I am talking to someone. I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

  13

  “You know what I mean. A therapist. Someone who can help 14

  you move through this. You’re fixated. Everyone goes through rela-15

  tionships that don’t work out. Remember that creep Eric? The guy 16

  I went out with before Tom? I was crazy about him. But it didn’t 17

  work out. That’s how life is. Sometimes, things just don’t work out.

  18

  And you have to move on.”

  19

  “What makes you think that this is about Michael?” Kate said.

  20

  It had been a long time since she’d spoken the name out loud. For 21

  a moment, his face floated up in her mind. The disarming quicksil-22

  ver smile. The wavy light brown hair, always slightly in need of a 23

  trim. They’d met on the first day of law school, assigned to adja-24

  cent seats in Contracts, and had been inseparable for the next two 25

  years. As well as part of a third. Kate felt a tightening in her chest.

  26

  “Maybe I’m just focused on my job,” she said defiantly. “What’s 27

  wrong with that?”

  28

  “I’m sure Bill Gates is focused on his job, and he still managed to 29

  get married.”

  30

  “He’s a man. It’s different.” Even to herself, Kate sounded ridicu-31

  lous. She tried to recoup. “Look, I went out with Michael for almost 32

  three years. Through most of law school. We met on our first day of 33

  classes. It’s natural that I’d have a hard time getting over him.”

  34 sh

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  “Kate, he’s engaged. He’s getting married soon. You told me that 2

  yourself.”

  3

  “Thanks for reminding me.” Kate could hear the bitter edge to 4

  her voice. Time, the cushion on which she’d relied to soften the 5

  blows of memory, seemed to collapse beneath her.

  6

  “I’m sorry if I upset you,” Tara said. “But I hate to see you suffer 7

  like this. I just don’t think you have to suffer so much.”

  8

  “I’m not suffering. I don’t have time to suffer.”

  9

  Tara raised her eyes skyward. Kate felt a wave of fatigue. “Look, 10

  I’ll think about it, okay? The therapy thing.”